The Aftermath: Dusting Yourself Off After A Breakup To Get Him Back
Okay, let’s face it, breakups are never easy or fun. They can be demoralizing. They can devastate your self-image and your self-esteem. If you decide you want to try and get him back, the first thing you absolutely have to do is not rush. After a breakup, you both need a “cooling off period,” so take it. At least thirty days, but longer if you feel you need more time. That means no contact. No phone calls, no emails, no pokes or comments of Facebook or other social media.
Note that in some cases it’s just not possible to go without ANY contact whatsoever, if you’re living together, if you have children together, work in the same place, or attend the same gym and so forth, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. In any case, if you can help it, no contact for at least a month. If you can’t help it, then take pains to minimize your contact during the first month after the breakup.
Use the time well and wisely. You’re hurting, and you need time to feel that pain and work through it. Then, you need to dust yourself off and start putting your life back together. It might seem counterintuitive, but if your intention is to eventually try and win him back, you do that by focusing on YOU first. Here are some quick and easy ways to help take the sting out of the breakup, and give yourself the space and time you need to heal and plan your next moves:
The Requisite Pity Party
Let’s face it, everybody starts here. Allow yourself one night for the requisite pity party, but only one. Cry your eyes out. Scream into a pillow. Punch the arm of the sofa or something else that won’t complain. Let yourself feel the anger and betrayal and start getting it out of your system. This is especially important to do if you plan to try and win him back later, because you don’t want to go into that process from a point of anger. You’ll need a clear head, and the only way to get that is to allow yourself to feel it and then begin to get past it.
It sounds silly, but this one is in the same moment the most obvious thing you can do, and the most often overlooked. This “treating yourself” can take any form that pleases you. It could be anything from going shopping and getting a sexy new outfit, to having your nails done, to grabbing a big tub of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey and going to town! The point is, do something nice for you. Focus on making yourself feel better.
Develop A New Interest
Sometimes, the best way to get your mind off the breakup is to do something new and different. It doesn’t matter what, just pick something that you think you might find interesting. The goal here is two-fold.
First, it expands your horizons and gives you something new to focus on, but second, and just as important really, is that it pulls you slightly out of your comfort zone and gets you into new places that don’t have any connection to your ex. Both are important in their way, and both are vital steps to putting your emotional self back together again, in anticipation of planning a way to get him back.
And if you have any questions or would like to share your story, please post a comment. I am very active on this website and I’ll probably reply to you within 24 hours.